bert hellinger i allow

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09-03-2025

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The Controversial Legacy of Bert Hellinger and the "I Allow" Statement

Bert Hellinger, a German psychotherapist, developed a system of family constellation therapy that gained significant popularity but also attracted considerable controversy. A central concept within his approach is the "I allow" statement, a seemingly simple phrase with profound implications within the context of his methodology. Understanding this statement requires examining both its purported power and the criticisms leveled against it.

Hellinger believed that unresolved family conflicts, often stemming from unspoken traumas or systemic imbalances, manifest as problems in individuals' lives. His family constellation therapy aims to uncover these hidden dynamics through a process involving representatives who stand in for family members. The "I allow" statement is often employed at a crucial point in this process. It's typically used by a client to accept the fate or actions of a family member, even if those actions were hurtful or unjust. This acceptance, according to Hellinger, is seen as a crucial step towards resolving the entanglement and freeing the individual from the burden of inherited family patterns.

The purported power of "I allow" lies in its ability to break what Hellinger termed "entanglements." He believed that by acknowledging and accepting the past, even the painful parts, individuals can release themselves from the unconscious loyalties and repetitive patterns that negatively impact their lives. By saying "I allow," the client isn't necessarily condoning the actions of their ancestor; rather, they are acknowledging the totality of their family history, allowing the past to be the past without carrying its weight forward. This acceptance, according to the theory, allows for healing and a more balanced present.

However, the "I allow" statement and Hellinger's methods as a whole have faced intense scrutiny. Critics argue that the process can be manipulative, potentially leading clients to accept abuse or trauma as inevitable or even deserved. The lack of empirical evidence supporting the effectiveness of family constellations and the potential for retraumatization are significant concerns. Furthermore, the power dynamic between the therapist and the client has been questioned, with critics suggesting that the "I allow" statement can be used to reinforce unhealthy power imbalances.

Some argue that the "I allow" statement, taken out of context, can trivialize serious harm. The act of simply stating "I allow" doesn't inherently address the underlying issues of abuse, neglect, or injustice. A true healing process requires acknowledging the harm, working through the trauma, and developing healthy coping mechanisms, aspects that critics argue are often lacking in Hellinger's approach.

In conclusion, the "I allow" statement within Bert Hellinger's family constellation therapy remains a subject of considerable debate. While proponents claim it facilitates healing and breaking free from negative family patterns, critics raise valid concerns about potential manipulation, retraumatization, and the lack of scientific evidence supporting its effectiveness. A nuanced understanding of this technique requires careful consideration of both its potential benefits and its inherent risks. It’s crucial to approach family constellation therapy with caution and a critical eye, seeking professional guidance from qualified therapists who prioritize client well-being and ethical practice.